Be Seen, Be Bold, Behold: A Queer Massage Therapist's Guide to Showing Up Online and On Purpose

I’ve never claimed to be a social media expert, and I’m not here to promise you viral fame or a perfectly curated grid. But I do know what it means to try—imperfectly and consistently—to show up as myself in a profession where visibility, vulnerability, and authenticity can be risky. Especially as an openly queer massage therapist in a conservative state, I’ve had to learn which risks are worth taking. And I’ve learned that the most worthwhile thing I can do is be myself.

So this isn’t a guide to hacking the algorithm. It’s more like a gentle letter from one practitioner to another, full of things I’ve learned the hard way—and a few things I’ve learned from those who came before us.

1. Be yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.

It’s cliché, I know. But it’s also true. The best thing I’ve done for my career is to lead with my passion—and for me, that’s history. In 2020, I launched a blog to mark my six-year anniversary as a massage therapist. I was frustrated with certain client habits, excited about getting my CE courses approved in Arkansas, and really passionate about hot stone massage. Writing about it helped me find my voice—and recognize my authority.

In 2022, I leaned into short-form video. I wasn’t setting the world on fire with likes, but I was building a rhythm. By 2023, I made a resolution: one video a week. Some weeks were easy. Some were a fight. But I kept at it, because it mattered to me.

2. Do something you fear (safely).

Let me be clear: I don’t mean put yourself in danger. But I do mean challenge yourself in small, intentional ways. Make the video. Try the voiceover. Record yourself teaching and share a clip. The fear won’t disappear—but you’ll get used to its company.

One of my most popular TikToks was a casual behind-the-scenes clip showing how I flip a treatment room between clients. It got a surprising amount of hate—people critiqued everything from my technique to my professionalism. I tried to respond at first, but eventually I realized: none of those people were ever going to be my clients. And most of them probably don’t even get massage. Why should their opinion outweigh my experience?

When you’re grounded in your values, criticism has less power over you. That’s not to say it doesn’t sting—but it doesn’t steer.

3. Find your people—and give credit where it's due.

You’re not alone in this work. I’m constantly learning from others. Some of the queer and trans leaders in our field who’ve shaped my thinking include Cal Cates, Zeke Spooner, and Frances Reed. If you’re not already part of the Safe On My Table Facebook group, it’s a powerful space for learning and connection.

We grow best when we’re connected—when we honor the lineage we’re part of and uplift others doing meaningful work. Credit matters. Community matters. None of us thrive in isolation.

4. Let yourself rest—and let the tools help.

Yes, I burn out sometimes. We all do. During those stretches, I’ll share other people’s work instead of creating something new—but I always credit my sources. I also use AI tools (hi, ChatGPT) to help me expand short ideas into full blog posts or turn a long post into a short video script. Use what helps. There’s no prize for doing everything the hard way.

If being on camera feels like too much, try something gentler. Use a voiceover. Record your hands demonstrating a technique. Use a filter if you need to. What matters most is that your message gets out there in a way that feels sustainable for you.

Whether you’re just starting out or deep in your practice, know this: there is room for you here. There is room for your voice, your story, your way of doing things. You don't have to be perfect, and you don’t have to be popular. You just have to be you—on purpose.

And if you need help figuring that out, I’m always open to chat.

Peace and Healing,

Kirby Clark Ellis, MTI, BCTMB